Discovering your neurodivergence later in life can be a transformative experience. It often sets you on a journey to find techniques and support that truly align with who you are. This journey focuses on learning to unmask, understanding and articulating your needs, and ultimately embracing your most authentic self. We may have spent years believing we are lazy, dramatic, emotionally weak, incapable, bad at parenting, bad at relationships, bad at life- just not good enough: our identities built around intense self-criticism.
For many, including myself, this realisation brings a wave of grief for our younger selves—those parts of us that went unnoticed and unsupported. I remember shedding tears for the child I once was, who felt different and alone, overwhelmed by emotions, and unsure of themselves. Before my diagnosis of Audhd, my inner child work was often shrouded in confusion and shame. I offered compassion to that shame but never fully understood it until my diagnosis.
We all carry unmet needs and survival strategies from childhood into adulthood. When triggered, it’s often our inner child reacting, still feeling overwhelmed and desperate to make sense of the world. For many late-diagnosed autistic adults, this can manifest as a fragile sense of identity, confusion about who we are beneath the layers of coping mechanisms and masks we've worn for so long. Perhaps you recognise yourself as a chronic people pleaser, overly apologetic without reason, struggling to trust your own needs, or hypervigilant about rejection and criticism. I certainly see my past self in these descriptions.
Inner child work offers a path back—not to relive past pain but to extend compassion to places where it was absent, to replace blame with understanding, and to provide safety where there was once confusion. It’s about giving your younger self a voice, allowing those long-buried feelings to surface safely. Healing doesn't mean erasing the past; it means approaching it with gentle compassion, as you would with your own child.
When you find yourself feeling emotionally overwhelmed or caught in a cycle of self-criticism, consider taking a moment to pause. Allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings without judgment or the urge to dismiss them. Understanding which aspects of yourself are being triggered and why is the crucial first step toward cultivating self-compassion. When your inner child feels seen and supported, moving forward becomes easier. You can shed the protective masks and start feeling grounded and authentically yourself.