Understanding shame: beyond "I did something wrong"
Shame is a powerful and often hidden emotion that tells us we are flawed or unworthy. At Te Video Counselling & Psychotherapy, I understand the profound impact shame can have on your life. This page explores what shame is, how it differs from guilt, and how my Pluralistic approach can help you navigate this complex emotion towards a more compassionate way of being.
What is shame?
Shame is a primitive emotion, distinct from guilt. While guilt stems from specific actions – the thought of "I did something wrong" – shame attacks the core of our being, whispering, "I am unworthy, unlovable, or flawed." This universal emotion has a profound impact on our behaviour, relationships, and self-perception.
Shame can also lead to protective adaptations, including anger, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Moreover, it is frequently reinforced by experiences of relational trauma, neglect, or cultural conditioning, making it difficult to name or process on one’s own.
You are not the problem
If you experience shame, it is understandable if you feel therapy could not help. After all, shame tells you you are the problem, so how would talking about it help? I believe that understanding where shame developed from is part of the process of letting go of the shame we carry. Our person-centred approach creates a safe, non-judgmental space where you can explore these feelings, knowing that you will be seen, heard, accepted, and valued.
Finding compassion and healing
I believe that understanding where shame developed from is part of the process to letting go of the shame we carry. Compassion Focused Therapy and Inner Child techniques are powerful tools we can access to support you in moving away from old beliefs that keep you in shame spirals and towards a more self-compassionate way of being.